Barbara: Welcome to Self Powered Healing. I'm Barbara McNeely, your host and the creator of Self Powered Healing, where we're talking about how you can unleash your innate healing ability.
In this episode of Self Powered Healing, I have a story for you from a lady named Mari. I published her story in 2020, but it bears repeating. Mari was told before she was even 40 years old that there was no hope for her illness. They couldn't help her. She would never be cured. She might as well just give up and file for disability.
I can't imagine how soul crushing that must have felt to be told she should just give up. But listen in to Mari's story where she heals on her own in spite of what the doctors had told her. Why don't we start with a little of your story of your health journey?
Mari: That's a huge question. Let's see here. I am in my early 40s, just so we can get an idea of the journey that this healing journey was like.
And I remember feeling tired just before graduating from high school. I just thought I was, I was aware, I was pushing myself hard. I was a track runner and I was a huge in my grades. So I slept and slept very little. And I was looking for that one day when I would have breast one day when, and it was always looking forward to my Sundays when I could sleep in.
However, when I went to college, I got even more tired and I caught mono and bronchitis at the same time. And I would say at that point, I could say I never felt the same again. I was told that I might have an autoimmune disease and I got tested. It came out negative, but then years passed and I was still tired and I knew something was wrong.
We can fast forward about 10 years and now I'm in my. I would say late 20s. And at this point, I've been diagnosed with IBS. I've been diagnosed with depression and I was taking medication for both. I had About I had three specialists working on my body that included a therapist, a, um, Well, a psychiatrist that prescribed medicine coupled with a therapist.
I had a gastroenterologist And I had an internist also had issues with my eyes at the time now that I'm remembering And now we had been diagnosed with a very rare eye disease um That has results. It's uh, um, but anywho, I was always a little dropped You Yeah, it has resolved. I was told by the specialist, um, that in his, in his expertise.
With a rare disease, that it resolved around age 40 for me, it resolved earlier than that. But I was still having eye issues. So I had those things going on, but, um, the exhaustion just worsened every year. And, uh, by the time I was in my mid, my early thirties, sorry, yes, early thirties, I started to develop migraines and they were getting quite horrendous.
And the worst migraine 30 days. Like 34 days at the time. I was married to a doctor who was able to fill me in with a um, An mri with a neurologist, which is kind of a big deal It's kind of hard to get a neurologist appointment right away But everything came out normal and I couldn't believe it at that time.
I thought I was That was extremely painful.
Um, I remember by that time of my life, I remember saying very often, I'm tired of being tired. That was, like, I think I thought that a thousand times a day. Like, how can that help me? But, I was so exhausted. Um, And then I just thought part of me thought it was kind of normal.
Like I knew it was not normal, but I didn't realize how much pain I was in or how not normal that was until later. And I finally in 2013, well, let me rephrase that when I did the, my, the migraines and that migraine happened, I finally started looking outside of the medical field and I started seeing an acupuncturist cause I was desperate.
I was like anything to get this headache to go away. And the acupuncture helped. The headache didn't go away, but it felt like a like a veil was lifted the feeling that it would find that it would go away came into the body and it did. She helped me significantly with headache. The fatigue, however, did not.
Um, I went with her for two years and in that two years of fatigue and IBS, um, I would have experiences what I called at the time bout s where didn't know when, I didn't know what would cause it, but I would have a, um, an experience that could last anywhere from two to six hours of dry heaving and diarrhea and in stomach pains that felt like intestinal contractions. So contractions meaning equivalent to the pain of delivery type of contractions.
Barbara: Wow.
Mari: Yeah, they were very painful. Um, and when I went to the hospital for those types of pain, after all the tests and everything, I would come out like, Oh, you're normal. Everything's fine. Minor inflammation. Go see your IBS, you know, your gastroenterologist and I would see him. I would get the endoscopy, the colonoscopy and everything would come back normal with minor inflammation.
So at this point, I was basically told that I was never going to heal. I was told that I was finally diagnosed at that point with chronic fatigue. Um, so I had now the diagnosis of chronic fatigue, depression, and, um, irritable bowel syndrome. And I was told that I should probably apply for disability and that I would most likely develop an autoimmune disease.
And we'll just kind of watch you till you get that. Um, that was 2013. And I remember leaving the office, realizing at that point that this was more serious than I had thought, because. I was at a point where the professionals were telling me that there was no solution ever. I would say that was the turning point for my, for my journey where I definitively decided that I would never stop trying to find a way to live a life I loved.
Barbara: Yeah, it's either that or give up.
Mari: I knew if I gave up, it would, it would probably worse that something in me, like I didn't know it. I know it now, especially with this journey, this journey has become not just a healing journey physically, but emotionally I'm happier. Um, mentally I'm more at peace and spiritually I feel so certain that I can trust that I'm exactly where I need to be in the world. And that, that part of me has always been with me. That part of me was with me that day.
Barbara: do you want to talk about what your turning point, what you did?
Mari: sure. So I, I proclaimed, I proclaimed 2014 the year of health and that was also the year I divorced. So, and it was a big deal because at that point with the stress of the divorce, I had lost a 20 extra pounds, which I. Did not afford to lose um And it, and it also exacerbated the ability to eat.
I came to a point where I wasn't just experiencing bouts, but I was also experiencing the inability to eat without extreme pain. And that was the hard part because how can you eat when you're afraid to eat? It's almost as if the fear itself was making it not able to. Um, so I proclaimed it the year of health and I decided that I would do whatever it took to try whatever I could right now. And I started with diet because I thought, well, it wasn't too hard because I couldn't eat much.
I was like, well, I know from what I hear in the world that gluten could be tough for my stomach and dairy and coffee, which were all my favorite things. And so I took them out of my diet right away. And I dove into articles about, you know, um, Thyroid dysfunction, which was a possibility and other things that might be possibilities.
And I was basically just falling down rabbit holes of what might be a solution? And I came to the conclusion that I was going to hire a functional medicine doctor. The idea that I could see a professional who could go to the root cause rather than giving medication to help with symptoms was what I wanted.
And so I couldn't find one at first in San Antonio, um, or even nearby, like even a day trip to, you know, the near area. Um, that resonated with me at this point, I was already listening to my intuition without realizing it. But one day I was at the grocery store and I saw this gentleman and all his groceries I could see he was on a paleo diet. And my research had gotten me into thinking about what kind of foods I wanted to be eating. So I asked him, Hey, are you on a paleo diet? And he started telling me about his wife, started seeing this functional medicine doctor. I got the contact and I went to see him and he basically our work together in two and a half years took more and more food out of my diet.
So I was really eating very few things, vegetables, fish, chicken, coconut water, coconut oil. That's about it. And not all vegetables because we were removing lectins from my diet. So no, uh, peppers, no tomatoes. And, um, oh, and I was also eating eggs. So we, um, despite that, um, even though that helped at first, it plateaued again. Um, I called those the boss days. His name was Dr. Boss, and I, and the good news about that was I was able to really listen to my body at that point. I could tell when I ate something, if my body was accepting or rejecting, I could tell when I could hear, I could feel digestion rather than fear digestion and around this time when it plateaued, two things were introduced into my life.
Um, one, I had seen a therapist to get help with a dynamic with my son and I told him my story, uh, the divorce and the health and the dynamic with my son. And he says, you know, you're doing pretty good. Except, um, why you got to do this work on a little bit about how you're thinking and how you're managing your mind.
And I was like, what are you, what are you talking about? All these years I've seen therapist or, or any, you know, blog post I might've read it never, I never got the connection that I could watch my thoughts rather than be my thoughts. He sent me home with the book called "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris.
And I read that book. And two weeks later I showed up with a visual aid and I was like, the world needs to know what this book is teaching. And that led me into a journey of learning about mindfulness, identifying my values, knowing how to take action that serves me and that supports me. And that's where it led to me becoming a life coach, deciding that would be my career. But at that time in my life, It was more about what is this thing about my mind and how I can use it as a tool.
So that was one thing that got introduced to me at that point in my life. The second thing that got introduced to me was a woman who was, um, I met a woman at my, my, uh, massage therapist's office, and she told me a story about how she got healed by an energy worker. And at the time I did not believe in anything like that. I thought it was nonsense. And yet. I was so desperate that I was willing to try it out. She gave me, especially because of her testimony. And she had a daughter who is rail thin, unable to eat, and pain. And she showed me before and after pictures of a woman who was vibrant, who had meat on her bones. And I was like, I'm going to try this. I, at the time, was already dating my now husband. So glad he's been part of this journey. And he was like, what do we have to lose? Let's try it.
I even consulted a spiritual leader in my church because I wanted to make sure that I was within, um, It triggered in me. Is this even in my belief system? So this started to be more of a spiritual journey now, not just a health journey. And because I was on such a strict diet when she started treating me, quote unquote, for, um, foods that I knew would cause excruciating pain. And then I was able to eat them. I was, I was, Thinking, okay, what is this? Now you have to, here's something really important. She never saw me and it was done over the phone across state lines. So I didn't even, I couldn't believe this. And so you can imagine all the rabbit holes and I became a Reiki master. I started studying like, what is spirituality? What is reality? What is remote healing? You know, you can imagine all those Google search and then some of them can be really fishy. And so kind of discerning what was more.
With those two things introduced to my life, not knowing it at the time, it changed everything. And you kind of wonder, was it the chicken or the egg? And I would like to say it was both. The remote healing that that woman was doing was, led me on a spiritual path to believe in the power of thought and prayer, Greater than anything we give it credit for in the study of like quantum healing as well as, you know, um, works like the work of Joe Dispenza, things like that was where I was starting to root myself into connecting the two and the work from Joe Dispenza has a lot of what we're learning from modern neuroscience.
So then I was studying the work of, um. Like Richard Davidson with mindfulness based stress reduction all the way to the Joe Dispenza that kind of bridges the spiritual gap between what we've been told is reality and what is for the lack of a better word, woo woo .
You know, that's where now I would say there wasn't a day that I woke up and said, I am healthy now. Today. It just happened. It wasn't quite like that for me. But I will say I remember one day I was standing in front of the office with my husband, my husband's office. And I said, you know what happened today? Goes what? I didn't need a nap today. I actually forgot to even think about planning my nap. And then of course, then fear hit like, when is this going to happen again for me? That level of energy had not been experienced for over 15 years. Um, and it took a while for me to be in a place of consistency without needing a nap. But for me, it was a reality that this is working and this is my new life.
Barbara: Your IBS is gone?
Mari: I can eat anything now I choose not to eat certain things now And i'm not saying I don't eat gluten. Like I love bread. I make homemade bread. I love bread Um, but yeah, I eat I guess that really comes down to knowing not to eat with guilt, knowing to listen to the body when it's full, knowing that if I decide I'm going to eat a Twizzler, that the body's like, all right, don't eat more than two, like the listening to where the body says stop.
And. And then if there's urges when it comes to eating, then paying attention to the body and not the urge, like flexing those muscles so that it trains the body to stop the urge. And then eventually it doesn't necessarily go away, but the urges aren't as intense. Um, and maybe with time urges do absolutely go away. In some cases for me, I do have absolute urges that have gone away and others I still work through when it comes to food.
But there is great gratitude in being able to eat anything. But I will say, let me share a story real quick about what that looks like. So recently I remember having a dinner, recent meaning like in the last three months, And after dinner, um, my husband and I were sitting, we were watching, we were on a, we were watching Star Trek Voyagers. So we were watching this series, right? And it was our little pattern at the time. And we would sit in front of the TV and watch a show. And I remember getting a stomachache and I started feeling really bad. And I was like, gosh, and I started cramping. And then of course, I started to get scared because cramping was always the precursor of a bout right out being in the bathroom and dry heating it.
So then with the cramping became a little nausea, started to feel nauseous. And then I was worrying and all of a sudden I was like, I started, you know, one of the practices of being able to be present with pain is conscious breathing and being in the moment with the pain. So I started to relax in the pain. Notice the sensation. I give myself an opportunity to allow relaxation around the pain and talk to myself, literally having a dialogue with my body like, Hey, it's okay, you have a little stomach ache. It's not what it used to be. And then I had a burp, like literally I burped and it was a hefty one. And I thought, Whoa, I feel better.
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And I wondered all those years, how much of it was just digestion, natural digestion trying to be had and rather my mind body was creating havoc and how much of me being able to relax into that one moment, months ago, allow for the natural process. Meaning not triggering that part of our nervous system of fight or flight. So I remained in that natural state with my mindful practices and the body was able to do what it naturally does.
And so that was an epiphany for me that morning, not morning, that evening. And. I remember journaling on it specifically because I wanted to remember that moment to know the impact that a thought could have and that we can be gentle with ourselves as we learn into our new thoughts and our new way of being; because it is a new way of being.
Healing isn't just about our physical ability. It's also who we become when we're able. Once we now have that vitality and that energy, how do we show up in the world? What opportunities present themselves? And that's where our mind might be addicted to being sick because then we would have to be a new self and that's scary. It was for me and it can be for many.
So that's where this learning process, I see it as using our mind as a tool so we can create a life. We love and that's and it's not that you're gonna be loving life all the time but then it will be fulfilled; that we can have it fulfilled regardless of the, the spectrum of emotions and the array of experiences that occur in life.
Barbara: That's amazing. And so the chronic fatigue and the depression are gone as well?
Mari: Mm hmm. The chronic fatigue at this point is, um, gone. Absolutely. Every now and then, if I, my, when my schedule gets really tight. I'll notice I'll get sleepy. My head gets heavy. I'll be like, Oh, you're just, you know, past self. It's okay. And usually what I'll do at that moment is give myself time to go into a, either a meditation or a writing so that I can get back into that natural state or that space of calm and it doesn't necessarily feel calm. But what it does do is it can the meditation will help the um, like shift my brain waves. And kind of help it helps me reset. For me, it's a valuable tool I can get my mind. My mind will be frazzled by noon. If I don't do a meditation in the morning, it is now part of my lifestyle. So yes, the fatigue I would say is gone. And when it feels like it's creeping in a little bit, I listen to the body. I sometimes still nap and yet now it's without the guilt and it's without the fear. It's more like a luxury and I allow it.
Barbara: Naps are allowed.
Mari: And you think of the greats, you know, like, um, Winston Churchill and Albert Einstein, they napped. And as a matter of fact, it may be part of the human experience to take a nap every day, or at least have a moment, like 20 minutes where we step back from the work and then go and then go back to it.
And the depression, if it's gone away, your question on that one will be sometimes I'll notice patterns of thoughts. I'll start to feel, I'll feel it before I noticed the thoughts. I'll feel really, um, a bit demotivated or in a rut. And sometimes it'll happen more than it'll take a more than a day. And once it's more than a day, I'm like, okay, what's going on here? Yeah. And this is where it's using the skills and either it's, you know, writing it out or coming back to my new truth, revisualizing my why and using those tools to be okay with where I'm at, but yet redirecting the mind to where I want to, where I want to be in the now.
And also learning that it's not always going to be happy. Right? There's a thing that I just want to be happy. And if that is our goal, it's the unachievable goal. Like the human experience is to not always be happy. So when we're not knowing that that's just part of the human experience. And when we're not, if it turns into a pattern then discover where are my thoughts in these spaces so that I can see if it's a pattern that's not serving me, or it's a sign our emotions are our guides. Is it a sign that I'm misaligned with something important to me, a value? And then we can use that as a tool to help shift out of those emotional patterns that may not serve us in a way that is believable, relatable, and doable.
Barbara: And that is what self powered healing really means. It's the idea that we don't have to listen just to what doctors have to say and as long as we keep trying, we're likely to find an answer someday. The turning point for Mari was when she decided that she wasn't going to stop trying, that she would do whatever it took to heal.
And I like this that she said in there, "Healing isn't just about our physical ability. It's also about who we become when we're able. Once we now have that vitality and that energy, how do we show up in the world? And what opportunities present themselves? And that's where our mind might be addicted to being sick, because then we would have to be a new self. And that can be scary."
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